Day 11 - Monday 1st May 2017
Horrendous
There is only one word I can use to describe how I felt yesterday. Horrendous. What should have been a relaxing day off work, with my family became a form of torture. I'm coming to the conclusion that I am not able to relax and switch my brain off.
I must have thought about having a drink every few minutes. I could not get it out of my mind and I felt thoroughly miserable and deprived.
I have realised that distraction is the key to overcoming The Niv (my Naughty Inner Voice). So I decided to log on to YouTube and see whether I could find any motivational TED talks about going sober.
If you haven't discovered TED talks yet, give them a try. According to Google, TED is a non profit organisation that produces short talks of around 18 minutes which spread ideas. Are there any which focus on alcohol and going sober? Absolutely - in fact they are too numerous to mention.
The great thing about these talks is that as they are short in length, - you can watch them whilst having a cup of tea or over a lunch break at work.
As it approached wine o'clock I logged on to YouTube and watched a couple of talks. It certainly helped to re-set my mind and The Niv was put firmly back in the cupboard.
Unfortunately, the little blighter does keep escaping but I am determined to continue to develop strategies to overcome it! I feel a small sense of victory and enjoy it.
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
Thursday, 4 May 2017
Monday, 1 May 2017
Day 10 - Sunday 30th April 2017
Wrestling
I realised yesterday that in my quest for sobriety I have unwittingly taken on a new sport - wrestling.
I spent much of yesterday afternoon 'wrestling' with my naughty inner voice, who I shall henceforth rename 'The Niv'.
The Niv was desperate to make me fold and have a drink yesterday. It kept repeating "Go on - have a drink. It's Bank Holiday weekend. Everybody's doing it. You know you want to".
I didn't want to as it happens, but I knew The Niv might get to me if I let it.
I distracted myself. I cleaned out my car, took the dog for a walk, and spent ages making a nice family dinner. I felt quite smug by the end of the day. I had achieved lots of things that can often make me feel a bit stressed when left and put off.
I have realised that The Niv is like the friend we all had at school. The 'cool' one who initially seems like such good fun, egging us on to push the boundaries against our better judgement, before getting us into huge amounts of trouble..........
In the end, we usually wise up and ditch those 'friends'. We recognise they are not really friends at all.. Friends should be there to support us and act in our best interests not do everything they can to sabotage our good intentions.
The Niv is clearly no friend of mine. I am hoping that by giving it a name, I can better recognise when it is trying to influence me and I will be better placed to respond positively rather than react and be influenced. With any luck, it will get bored and go into hibernation and I will be free. There is no place for it in my new sober and serene existence.
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
Wrestling
I realised yesterday that in my quest for sobriety I have unwittingly taken on a new sport - wrestling.
I spent much of yesterday afternoon 'wrestling' with my naughty inner voice, who I shall henceforth rename 'The Niv'.
The Niv was desperate to make me fold and have a drink yesterday. It kept repeating "Go on - have a drink. It's Bank Holiday weekend. Everybody's doing it. You know you want to".
I didn't want to as it happens, but I knew The Niv might get to me if I let it.
I distracted myself. I cleaned out my car, took the dog for a walk, and spent ages making a nice family dinner. I felt quite smug by the end of the day. I had achieved lots of things that can often make me feel a bit stressed when left and put off.
I have realised that The Niv is like the friend we all had at school. The 'cool' one who initially seems like such good fun, egging us on to push the boundaries against our better judgement, before getting us into huge amounts of trouble..........
In the end, we usually wise up and ditch those 'friends'. We recognise they are not really friends at all.. Friends should be there to support us and act in our best interests not do everything they can to sabotage our good intentions.
The Niv is clearly no friend of mine. I am hoping that by giving it a name, I can better recognise when it is trying to influence me and I will be better placed to respond positively rather than react and be influenced. With any luck, it will get bored and go into hibernation and I will be free. There is no place for it in my new sober and serene existence.
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
Sunday, 30 April 2017
Day 9 - Saturday 29th April 2017
Temptation Again!
It's Bank Holiday weekend and I head to the supermarket. As I walk through the doors I am greeted with a big banner saying "Wine Festival" and in front of me are stacks and stacks of wine (and beer) at allegedly discounted prices.
Bank Holiday = drink loads of alcohol to have a good time.
No wonder it's hard when you try to give up. Wherever we go and whatever we do, we are bombarded with subliminal and not so subliminal messages that you have to drink to have a good time.
I said this to my mother in law a couple of weeks ago and although not a big drinker herself, she told me she thought that alcohol was "good for getting a party going". At the time I thought she probably had a point, but as I considered it again today, I decided that's rubbish. Do children ever have a problem getting into the swing when they go to parties? Of course they don't. It's ridiculous. We don't need alcohol to have a good time - we just think we do.
Anyway, back to the supermarket. I scoot past the wine and do my shopping without giving in to temptation and I feel rather proud of myself. So much so, that I treat myself instead to some curling tongs and some nail polish. Maybe sober me needs a new look........
We have Chinese for tea and settle down to watch a dvd. My tipple of choice? Sparkling water with elderflower cordial tonight. At some point I did consider whether I should pop out for some wine but rational brain soon took care of naughty inner voice and the moment passed.
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
Temptation Again!
It's Bank Holiday weekend and I head to the supermarket. As I walk through the doors I am greeted with a big banner saying "Wine Festival" and in front of me are stacks and stacks of wine (and beer) at allegedly discounted prices.
Bank Holiday = drink loads of alcohol to have a good time.
No wonder it's hard when you try to give up. Wherever we go and whatever we do, we are bombarded with subliminal and not so subliminal messages that you have to drink to have a good time.
I said this to my mother in law a couple of weeks ago and although not a big drinker herself, she told me she thought that alcohol was "good for getting a party going". At the time I thought she probably had a point, but as I considered it again today, I decided that's rubbish. Do children ever have a problem getting into the swing when they go to parties? Of course they don't. It's ridiculous. We don't need alcohol to have a good time - we just think we do.
Anyway, back to the supermarket. I scoot past the wine and do my shopping without giving in to temptation and I feel rather proud of myself. So much so, that I treat myself instead to some curling tongs and some nail polish. Maybe sober me needs a new look........
We have Chinese for tea and settle down to watch a dvd. My tipple of choice? Sparkling water with elderflower cordial tonight. At some point I did consider whether I should pop out for some wine but rational brain soon took care of naughty inner voice and the moment passed.
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
Day 8 - Friday 28th April 2017
One Week down....
Today is my first week anniversary - hooray! I woke up having had the best sleep I have had in ages, waking up at 5am after a good 7 hours uninterrupted sleep. Despite it still being a bit early, it felt good.
It's been a mixed bag this week. Lots of motivation at the outset, coupled with a bit of excitement about making such a big change. However, along with that have been the lows - the pining for my old habit, such as the enjoyment of shopping for wine and pining for it when I see others having a drink.
So, as I am now a week in, I thought I would reflect on what I have learnt.
1. I really believe I have the strength to do this.
2. I sleep much better without wine and certainly don't miss waking up at 2.30 in the morning, fighting the losing battle of trying to get back to sleep as the alcohol does its best to keep me awake.
3. I am more productive. The washing and ironing piles have significantly reduced and whilst I don't expect anyone to be persuaded to give up drinking for that reason alone, I do feel like I am more 'on top of things' which in turn, reduces the daily pressures on me.
4. If I keep wine in the house at this stage in my journey, I am likely to stray. This journey will be easier without the constant reminder of what I can't have.
5. I definitely find it easier to control what I eat and stick to a healthy diet when I don't drink.
I have also reflected on what the down sides have been. In all honesty, I can't say there have been any other than the ups and downs of the battle between my naughty inner voice and my rational brain. Hopefully, my naughty inner voice will give up trying so hard before long and I will have less of those moments.
I enter my second week feeling really positive but try to remind myself that it's still early days and I need to stay focused.
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
One Week down....
Today is my first week anniversary - hooray! I woke up having had the best sleep I have had in ages, waking up at 5am after a good 7 hours uninterrupted sleep. Despite it still being a bit early, it felt good.
It's been a mixed bag this week. Lots of motivation at the outset, coupled with a bit of excitement about making such a big change. However, along with that have been the lows - the pining for my old habit, such as the enjoyment of shopping for wine and pining for it when I see others having a drink.
So, as I am now a week in, I thought I would reflect on what I have learnt.
1. I really believe I have the strength to do this.
2. I sleep much better without wine and certainly don't miss waking up at 2.30 in the morning, fighting the losing battle of trying to get back to sleep as the alcohol does its best to keep me awake.
3. I am more productive. The washing and ironing piles have significantly reduced and whilst I don't expect anyone to be persuaded to give up drinking for that reason alone, I do feel like I am more 'on top of things' which in turn, reduces the daily pressures on me.
4. If I keep wine in the house at this stage in my journey, I am likely to stray. This journey will be easier without the constant reminder of what I can't have.
5. I definitely find it easier to control what I eat and stick to a healthy diet when I don't drink.
I have also reflected on what the down sides have been. In all honesty, I can't say there have been any other than the ups and downs of the battle between my naughty inner voice and my rational brain. Hopefully, my naughty inner voice will give up trying so hard before long and I will have less of those moments.
I enter my second week feeling really positive but try to remind myself that it's still early days and I need to stay focused.
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
Friday, 28 April 2017
Day 7 - Thursday 27th April 2017
There is a First Time For Everything
I got up yesterday and felt awful. Tired and ratty from another poor night's sleep. It takes me ages to get to sleep, I seem to need to go to the loo loads of times (why did that never happen when I drank wine - where did it go??) and then keep waking up, although I do fairly quickly get back to sleep. I know it will get better but when exactly???
Having risen tired and ratty I need a coffee and for that I need some milk. As I open the fridge door at 7.30 in the morning, I come face to face with the cold bottle of Pinot Grigio I bought yesterday. Was I tempted to have a glass? Not at 7.30 in the morning I wasn't. In fact I couldn't think of anything worse. Nevertheless I know that after a long day at work I would be sorely tempted to open it later on as I cook dinner.
What did I do? I open the bottle and pour the lot down the sink. It feels wasteful but oh so liberating! I then promptly put it in the recycling bin, muttering to myself that this wine bottle would be the last of its kind to enter our recycling bin for a while.
For the rest of the day I revel in the thought that I achieve a first by throwing wine away. I keep thinking about how in control I felt and what a great feeling it was. When I get home I feel a pang of guilt about 'wasting' the wine and for a few seconds I pine for it. However, my rational brain soon swots those thoughts away and I make do with a glass of lemongrass and ginger cordial with sparkling water, my new tipple of choice.
So, there is a first time for everything. I tipped a whole, unopened bottle of wine down the sink. Yay, it felt good.
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
Day 6 - Wednesday 26th April 2017
Temptation
Yesterday was really, really tough. It was my first full day at work since my sober journey started. Things started well but later in the day, I was left reeling by how an innocent comment from a well meaning colleague could pose such a threat to my new found sobriety.
Towards the end of the day, I met with a colleague - a smart, attractive lady around my age who I have a great deal of professional and personal respect for. As we left the meeting we were chatting about our children and how stressful it is supporting them through their exams. "Go home and have a nice glass of wine - you will feel better" she said as we walked back to the office.
As I laughed off the thought I immediately felt a change in my perspective. "Yes that sounds like a really good idea" my naughty inner voice said. "one won't hurt you and you've been given permission by this lovely lady you like and respect. There can't be anything wrong with that".
So, on the way home I popped into the supermarket and purchased a bottle of Pinot Grigio and told myself it was justified. I had been given permission to do it.
By the time I got home I was beginning to question whether it was the right thing to do so I popped it in the fridge and made myself a cup of tea. I sat down and reflected on it, hearing my rational brain setting out to my naughty inner voice all the reasons why it was not a good idea.
I am pleased to say that my rational brain won this particular battle but I was very sorely tempted and it frightened me how close I came. I hope it gets easier as I don't know whether I can remain this strong.
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
Day 5 - Tuesday 25th April 2017
Feeling Low...
One of the things I enjoy in life is doing the weekly food shop on a Monday morning when the supermarket is quiet and I can mooch around the aisles looking at what's new. Unfortunately, that also included, until now, a good wander around the wine section, looking at what's on offer and deciding what to buy for the coming week. Yesterday had to be different and to be honest, it didn't feel good.
So in an attempt to cheer myself up without any calories being involved I drove home via the local shopping centre and bought myself a new top with the money I WILL save this week by not buying wine. It did the trick and I returned home with a spring in my step which lasted for the rest of the day.
Suffice to say I was not tempted. I hope every day is like this because if it is, I know I can do this.
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
Feeling Low...
One of the things I enjoy in life is doing the weekly food shop on a Monday morning when the supermarket is quiet and I can mooch around the aisles looking at what's new. Unfortunately, that also included, until now, a good wander around the wine section, looking at what's on offer and deciding what to buy for the coming week. Yesterday had to be different and to be honest, it didn't feel good.
So in an attempt to cheer myself up without any calories being involved I drove home via the local shopping centre and bought myself a new top with the money I WILL save this week by not buying wine. It did the trick and I returned home with a spring in my step which lasted for the rest of the day.
Suffice to say I was not tempted. I hope every day is like this because if it is, I know I can do this.
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
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