Day 9 - Saturday 29th April 2017
Temptation Again!
It's Bank Holiday weekend and I head to the supermarket. As I walk through the doors I am greeted with a big banner saying "Wine Festival" and in front of me are stacks and stacks of wine (and beer) at allegedly discounted prices.
Bank Holiday = drink loads of alcohol to have a good time.
No wonder it's hard when you try to give up. Wherever we go and whatever we do, we are bombarded with subliminal and not so subliminal messages that you have to drink to have a good time.
I said this to my mother in law a couple of weeks ago and although not a big drinker herself, she told me she thought that alcohol was "good for getting a party going". At the time I thought she probably had a point, but as I considered it again today, I decided that's rubbish. Do children ever have a problem getting into the swing when they go to parties? Of course they don't. It's ridiculous. We don't need alcohol to have a good time - we just think we do.
Anyway, back to the supermarket. I scoot past the wine and do my shopping without giving in to temptation and I feel rather proud of myself. So much so, that I treat myself instead to some curling tongs and some nail polish. Maybe sober me needs a new look........
We have Chinese for tea and settle down to watch a dvd. My tipple of choice? Sparkling water with elderflower cordial tonight. At some point I did consider whether I should pop out for some wine but rational brain soon took care of naughty inner voice and the moment passed.
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
Sunday, 30 April 2017
Day 8 - Friday 28th April 2017
One Week down....
Today is my first week anniversary - hooray! I woke up having had the best sleep I have had in ages, waking up at 5am after a good 7 hours uninterrupted sleep. Despite it still being a bit early, it felt good.
It's been a mixed bag this week. Lots of motivation at the outset, coupled with a bit of excitement about making such a big change. However, along with that have been the lows - the pining for my old habit, such as the enjoyment of shopping for wine and pining for it when I see others having a drink.
So, as I am now a week in, I thought I would reflect on what I have learnt.
1. I really believe I have the strength to do this.
2. I sleep much better without wine and certainly don't miss waking up at 2.30 in the morning, fighting the losing battle of trying to get back to sleep as the alcohol does its best to keep me awake.
3. I am more productive. The washing and ironing piles have significantly reduced and whilst I don't expect anyone to be persuaded to give up drinking for that reason alone, I do feel like I am more 'on top of things' which in turn, reduces the daily pressures on me.
4. If I keep wine in the house at this stage in my journey, I am likely to stray. This journey will be easier without the constant reminder of what I can't have.
5. I definitely find it easier to control what I eat and stick to a healthy diet when I don't drink.
I have also reflected on what the down sides have been. In all honesty, I can't say there have been any other than the ups and downs of the battle between my naughty inner voice and my rational brain. Hopefully, my naughty inner voice will give up trying so hard before long and I will have less of those moments.
I enter my second week feeling really positive but try to remind myself that it's still early days and I need to stay focused.
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
One Week down....
Today is my first week anniversary - hooray! I woke up having had the best sleep I have had in ages, waking up at 5am after a good 7 hours uninterrupted sleep. Despite it still being a bit early, it felt good.
It's been a mixed bag this week. Lots of motivation at the outset, coupled with a bit of excitement about making such a big change. However, along with that have been the lows - the pining for my old habit, such as the enjoyment of shopping for wine and pining for it when I see others having a drink.
So, as I am now a week in, I thought I would reflect on what I have learnt.
1. I really believe I have the strength to do this.
2. I sleep much better without wine and certainly don't miss waking up at 2.30 in the morning, fighting the losing battle of trying to get back to sleep as the alcohol does its best to keep me awake.
3. I am more productive. The washing and ironing piles have significantly reduced and whilst I don't expect anyone to be persuaded to give up drinking for that reason alone, I do feel like I am more 'on top of things' which in turn, reduces the daily pressures on me.
4. If I keep wine in the house at this stage in my journey, I am likely to stray. This journey will be easier without the constant reminder of what I can't have.
5. I definitely find it easier to control what I eat and stick to a healthy diet when I don't drink.
I have also reflected on what the down sides have been. In all honesty, I can't say there have been any other than the ups and downs of the battle between my naughty inner voice and my rational brain. Hopefully, my naughty inner voice will give up trying so hard before long and I will have less of those moments.
I enter my second week feeling really positive but try to remind myself that it's still early days and I need to stay focused.
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
Friday, 28 April 2017
Day 7 - Thursday 27th April 2017
There is a First Time For Everything
I got up yesterday and felt awful. Tired and ratty from another poor night's sleep. It takes me ages to get to sleep, I seem to need to go to the loo loads of times (why did that never happen when I drank wine - where did it go??) and then keep waking up, although I do fairly quickly get back to sleep. I know it will get better but when exactly???
Having risen tired and ratty I need a coffee and for that I need some milk. As I open the fridge door at 7.30 in the morning, I come face to face with the cold bottle of Pinot Grigio I bought yesterday. Was I tempted to have a glass? Not at 7.30 in the morning I wasn't. In fact I couldn't think of anything worse. Nevertheless I know that after a long day at work I would be sorely tempted to open it later on as I cook dinner.
What did I do? I open the bottle and pour the lot down the sink. It feels wasteful but oh so liberating! I then promptly put it in the recycling bin, muttering to myself that this wine bottle would be the last of its kind to enter our recycling bin for a while.
For the rest of the day I revel in the thought that I achieve a first by throwing wine away. I keep thinking about how in control I felt and what a great feeling it was. When I get home I feel a pang of guilt about 'wasting' the wine and for a few seconds I pine for it. However, my rational brain soon swots those thoughts away and I make do with a glass of lemongrass and ginger cordial with sparkling water, my new tipple of choice.
So, there is a first time for everything. I tipped a whole, unopened bottle of wine down the sink. Yay, it felt good.
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
Day 6 - Wednesday 26th April 2017
Temptation
Yesterday was really, really tough. It was my first full day at work since my sober journey started. Things started well but later in the day, I was left reeling by how an innocent comment from a well meaning colleague could pose such a threat to my new found sobriety.
Towards the end of the day, I met with a colleague - a smart, attractive lady around my age who I have a great deal of professional and personal respect for. As we left the meeting we were chatting about our children and how stressful it is supporting them through their exams. "Go home and have a nice glass of wine - you will feel better" she said as we walked back to the office.
As I laughed off the thought I immediately felt a change in my perspective. "Yes that sounds like a really good idea" my naughty inner voice said. "one won't hurt you and you've been given permission by this lovely lady you like and respect. There can't be anything wrong with that".
So, on the way home I popped into the supermarket and purchased a bottle of Pinot Grigio and told myself it was justified. I had been given permission to do it.
By the time I got home I was beginning to question whether it was the right thing to do so I popped it in the fridge and made myself a cup of tea. I sat down and reflected on it, hearing my rational brain setting out to my naughty inner voice all the reasons why it was not a good idea.
I am pleased to say that my rational brain won this particular battle but I was very sorely tempted and it frightened me how close I came. I hope it gets easier as I don't know whether I can remain this strong.
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
Day 5 - Tuesday 25th April 2017
Feeling Low...
One of the things I enjoy in life is doing the weekly food shop on a Monday morning when the supermarket is quiet and I can mooch around the aisles looking at what's new. Unfortunately, that also included, until now, a good wander around the wine section, looking at what's on offer and deciding what to buy for the coming week. Yesterday had to be different and to be honest, it didn't feel good.
So in an attempt to cheer myself up without any calories being involved I drove home via the local shopping centre and bought myself a new top with the money I WILL save this week by not buying wine. It did the trick and I returned home with a spring in my step which lasted for the rest of the day.
Suffice to say I was not tempted. I hope every day is like this because if it is, I know I can do this.
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
Feeling Low...
One of the things I enjoy in life is doing the weekly food shop on a Monday morning when the supermarket is quiet and I can mooch around the aisles looking at what's new. Unfortunately, that also included, until now, a good wander around the wine section, looking at what's on offer and deciding what to buy for the coming week. Yesterday had to be different and to be honest, it didn't feel good.
So in an attempt to cheer myself up without any calories being involved I drove home via the local shopping centre and bought myself a new top with the money I WILL save this week by not buying wine. It did the trick and I returned home with a spring in my step which lasted for the rest of the day.
Suffice to say I was not tempted. I hope every day is like this because if it is, I know I can do this.
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
Monday, 24 April 2017
Day 4 - Monday 24th April 2017
A Sober Sunday Lunch
One of the things I pride myself on is making a good Sunday lunch. Rain or shine, whatever the time of year, I knock out a Sunday lunch to die for with all the trimmings. Of course, that usually includes a good bottle (or two) of wine, white or red depending on what we are eating. That also included a couple whilst cooking, as in Keith Floyd's own words 'it would be rude not to'!
So Sunday lunch without the wine was always going to be a challenge. Roast chicken without a good Sauvignon Blanc would have seemed like a travesty whilst I was drinking. We always eat our 'lunch' around 6pm so at wine o'clock, instead of reaching for a glass, I took the dog for a walk again and took my mind off it by focusing on everything around me and seeing all the things I wouldn't normally notice, like the bluebells flowering in the undergrowth which looked so pretty and the wood pigeons building their nests.
I wondered whether my husband would notice the lack of wine at dinner but he didn't mention it and neither did the children comment on its absence. I opened a bottle of sparkling water and dare I say it, I enjoyed my dinner without the wine. I then decided to really go for it and I had a San Migel 0.0 percent beer. I'm not a big beer drinker but I thought I would give this a go and wow, it's really rather drinkable and as it contains no alcohol whatsoever, I wasn't tempted to have more than one.
So having had a sober free weekend, I felt quite smug as I snuggled into bed with my book. Then it hit me. Why does the heroine/hero of most stories have a drink to relax? As soon as I started to read I was confronted with the image of how the female lead character got home and relaxed with a drink. I start salivating and feel desperate to join her. "It will pass" I tell myself, but I struggle, even when I close the book and try to go to sleep.
In the end, I get up and have a glass of water. It seems to do the trick and I stop salivating. I have noticed that I do struggle to get to sleep though, unlike when I have wine. Eventually, I drift off but instead of having a great night's sleep, I wake up twice wanting to go for a wee. Note to self - try not to drink a huge glass of water at bedtime! There are some positives though, I did not wake up with a headache this morning - hurrah!
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
A Sober Sunday Lunch
One of the things I pride myself on is making a good Sunday lunch. Rain or shine, whatever the time of year, I knock out a Sunday lunch to die for with all the trimmings. Of course, that usually includes a good bottle (or two) of wine, white or red depending on what we are eating. That also included a couple whilst cooking, as in Keith Floyd's own words 'it would be rude not to'!
So Sunday lunch without the wine was always going to be a challenge. Roast chicken without a good Sauvignon Blanc would have seemed like a travesty whilst I was drinking. We always eat our 'lunch' around 6pm so at wine o'clock, instead of reaching for a glass, I took the dog for a walk again and took my mind off it by focusing on everything around me and seeing all the things I wouldn't normally notice, like the bluebells flowering in the undergrowth which looked so pretty and the wood pigeons building their nests.
I wondered whether my husband would notice the lack of wine at dinner but he didn't mention it and neither did the children comment on its absence. I opened a bottle of sparkling water and dare I say it, I enjoyed my dinner without the wine. I then decided to really go for it and I had a San Migel 0.0 percent beer. I'm not a big beer drinker but I thought I would give this a go and wow, it's really rather drinkable and as it contains no alcohol whatsoever, I wasn't tempted to have more than one.
So having had a sober free weekend, I felt quite smug as I snuggled into bed with my book. Then it hit me. Why does the heroine/hero of most stories have a drink to relax? As soon as I started to read I was confronted with the image of how the female lead character got home and relaxed with a drink. I start salivating and feel desperate to join her. "It will pass" I tell myself, but I struggle, even when I close the book and try to go to sleep.
In the end, I get up and have a glass of water. It seems to do the trick and I stop salivating. I have noticed that I do struggle to get to sleep though, unlike when I have wine. Eventually, I drift off but instead of having a great night's sleep, I wake up twice wanting to go for a wee. Note to self - try not to drink a huge glass of water at bedtime! There are some positives though, I did not wake up with a headache this morning - hurrah!
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
Sunday, 23 April 2017
Day 3 - Sunday 23rd April 2017
Wedding Season
Well, I achieved a Sober Saturday yesterday and woke up this morning reaching for the Ibuprofen again! My head was pounding, despite all the water I consumed last night. I'm beginning to wonder whether my body is craving the sugar it used to get from wine. Hopefully it will pass soon and I will wake up each day clear headed and ready to go. I'll keep you posted on that!
Yesterday seemed to mark the start of 'Wedding Season' or so my Facebook feed seemed to suggest. I was fine yesterday until around 4.30pm when I checked into Facebook and was presented with numerous wedding photos of one of my good friends enjoying a few glasses of Prosecco. Immediately, I had pangs of wine envy and thoughts of 'maybe I could just have one?' Of course, my good friend can and often does, only have one. I had to tell myself that I am not like my friend. I cannot control my intake.
I made a conscious decision not to look anymore and as it turned 5pm (my usual wine o'clock) I decided to take the dog for a walk instead of reaching for a glass. It was a beautiful, sunny Spring evening and as I walked down the field I realised how nice it is to be fully in control of your senses - I would usually take the dog after a couple of pre-dinner glasses of wine. I consciously listened to the birds singing and as I looked up to the sky, I saw a heron pass overhead, looking so calm and serene. I want to be like that heron. I want to live my life sober and serene.
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
Wedding Season
Well, I achieved a Sober Saturday yesterday and woke up this morning reaching for the Ibuprofen again! My head was pounding, despite all the water I consumed last night. I'm beginning to wonder whether my body is craving the sugar it used to get from wine. Hopefully it will pass soon and I will wake up each day clear headed and ready to go. I'll keep you posted on that!
Yesterday seemed to mark the start of 'Wedding Season' or so my Facebook feed seemed to suggest. I was fine yesterday until around 4.30pm when I checked into Facebook and was presented with numerous wedding photos of one of my good friends enjoying a few glasses of Prosecco. Immediately, I had pangs of wine envy and thoughts of 'maybe I could just have one?' Of course, my good friend can and often does, only have one. I had to tell myself that I am not like my friend. I cannot control my intake.
I made a conscious decision not to look anymore and as it turned 5pm (my usual wine o'clock) I decided to take the dog for a walk instead of reaching for a glass. It was a beautiful, sunny Spring evening and as I walked down the field I realised how nice it is to be fully in control of your senses - I would usually take the dog after a couple of pre-dinner glasses of wine. I consciously listened to the birds singing and as I looked up to the sky, I saw a heron pass overhead, looking so calm and serene. I want to be like that heron. I want to live my life sober and serene.
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
Saturday, 22 April 2017
Day 2 - Saturday 22nd April 2017
Sober Saturday?
One day down and the rest of my life to go! Instead of waking up clear headed and refreshed I woke up with a rumbling headache. This isn't how it's supposed to be!!! Anyway, I will not be put off that easily. Two Ibuprofen and I am ready to face whatever the day brings.
I managed to get through Friday evening without a drink - hoorah! Was it difficult? In all honesty, no it wasn't. My motivation is high and I didn't even crave a drink - but I know that won't always be the case so I need to focus and not allow the thoughts and feelings of 'missing out' to rear their heads and take over my rational brain.
So, I have decreed it will be a Sober Saturday today. I haven't had one of those since last December. Thankfully my husband does not really drink apart from the occasional beer but he won't be bothered if we don't have any alcohol in the house and yes, that's the key for me. The cupboards are bare so there is no pang of temptation when I open the fridge or glance over at the wine rack.......
I am in no doubt that 5 o'clock will be the point at which I crave a glass of wine. I know that I may even have convinced myself by that point that "one glass will be fine, I don't have a problem, I managed to stay sober on a FRIDAY night so hey, I deserve just one glass."
Why did I start my quest for sobriety on a weekend you might ask? Why not, is the answer. There is no time like the present and if I can get through the weekend, seeing numerous picture of friends on social media drinking wine and 'having a good time', I can get through the stresses and strains of a normal week without being tempted.
Not much else to say except I will keep repeating my mantra "no more" to myself throughout today. I will stay strong and it will get easier.
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
Sober Saturday?
One day down and the rest of my life to go! Instead of waking up clear headed and refreshed I woke up with a rumbling headache. This isn't how it's supposed to be!!! Anyway, I will not be put off that easily. Two Ibuprofen and I am ready to face whatever the day brings.
I managed to get through Friday evening without a drink - hoorah! Was it difficult? In all honesty, no it wasn't. My motivation is high and I didn't even crave a drink - but I know that won't always be the case so I need to focus and not allow the thoughts and feelings of 'missing out' to rear their heads and take over my rational brain.
So, I have decreed it will be a Sober Saturday today. I haven't had one of those since last December. Thankfully my husband does not really drink apart from the occasional beer but he won't be bothered if we don't have any alcohol in the house and yes, that's the key for me. The cupboards are bare so there is no pang of temptation when I open the fridge or glance over at the wine rack.......
I am in no doubt that 5 o'clock will be the point at which I crave a glass of wine. I know that I may even have convinced myself by that point that "one glass will be fine, I don't have a problem, I managed to stay sober on a FRIDAY night so hey, I deserve just one glass."
Why did I start my quest for sobriety on a weekend you might ask? Why not, is the answer. There is no time like the present and if I can get through the weekend, seeing numerous picture of friends on social media drinking wine and 'having a good time', I can get through the stresses and strains of a normal week without being tempted.
Not much else to say except I will keep repeating my mantra "no more" to myself throughout today. I will stay strong and it will get easier.
Big hugs,
Sxxxx
Friday, 21 April 2017
Day 1 - Friday 21st April 2017
This Lady is Going Sober!
Today I woke up after another evening on the vino and decided 'no more'.
I have been reading a number of books on giving up alcohol (in my case wine) for a while now. In fact last year I had a period of three and a half months off the booze and never felt better. However, Christmas came along and my fear of 'missing out' on the fun took over and I was lost again to wine after the very first drink.
So having just finished Allen Carr's book 'The Easy Way to Control Alcohol' I feel ready to say 'no' to wine. I have succeeded in putting on a stone since Christmas, not only due to the wine, but due to the fact that I lose my conscience when I drink, and I no longer care whether what I am eating is healthy and nutritional. So, not only do I drink, I binge eat as well. They go hand in hand and the more I drink, the more I lose control of rational thought particularly in relation to eating.
I know from previous experience that this is going to be a difficult journey, but I am a high functioning 47 year old woman, with a good job, lovely home and husband and two lovely teenage children. Everything in my life is good apart from the fact that I can't control my alcohol intake. If I don't do it now, I fear I never will and I will face the later years of my life battling health problems. I do not want to be that person.
So today I say 'no' to drinking alcohol. It does not make me happy. It makes me feel rough and irritable the next day, it fuels arguments with my husband that I know we wouldn't have had if I hadn't been drinking and it makes me look and feel unhealthy. There are NO benefits of drinking.
I know these things of course, but I seem to forget them when the urge for wine takes over. I'm writing this blog to remind myself why I am doing this and I hope it helps those of you out there who are in the same position as me and really want to change. Wish me luck.
I read somewhere the other day that you can't rescue somebody that doesn't want to be saved. Well I do want to be saved so I am going to do this. Drinking is not cool. I choose to be Sober and Serene.......
Wish me luck,
Sxxxx
This Lady is Going Sober!
Today I woke up after another evening on the vino and decided 'no more'.
I have been reading a number of books on giving up alcohol (in my case wine) for a while now. In fact last year I had a period of three and a half months off the booze and never felt better. However, Christmas came along and my fear of 'missing out' on the fun took over and I was lost again to wine after the very first drink.
So having just finished Allen Carr's book 'The Easy Way to Control Alcohol' I feel ready to say 'no' to wine. I have succeeded in putting on a stone since Christmas, not only due to the wine, but due to the fact that I lose my conscience when I drink, and I no longer care whether what I am eating is healthy and nutritional. So, not only do I drink, I binge eat as well. They go hand in hand and the more I drink, the more I lose control of rational thought particularly in relation to eating.
I know from previous experience that this is going to be a difficult journey, but I am a high functioning 47 year old woman, with a good job, lovely home and husband and two lovely teenage children. Everything in my life is good apart from the fact that I can't control my alcohol intake. If I don't do it now, I fear I never will and I will face the later years of my life battling health problems. I do not want to be that person.
So today I say 'no' to drinking alcohol. It does not make me happy. It makes me feel rough and irritable the next day, it fuels arguments with my husband that I know we wouldn't have had if I hadn't been drinking and it makes me look and feel unhealthy. There are NO benefits of drinking.
I know these things of course, but I seem to forget them when the urge for wine takes over. I'm writing this blog to remind myself why I am doing this and I hope it helps those of you out there who are in the same position as me and really want to change. Wish me luck.
I read somewhere the other day that you can't rescue somebody that doesn't want to be saved. Well I do want to be saved so I am going to do this. Drinking is not cool. I choose to be Sober and Serene.......
Wish me luck,
Sxxxx
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