Day 4 - Monday 24th April 2017

A Sober Sunday Lunch

One of the things I pride myself on is making a good Sunday lunch.  Rain or shine, whatever the time of year, I knock out a Sunday lunch to die for with all the trimmings.  Of course, that usually includes a good bottle (or two) of wine, white or red depending on what we are eating.  That also included a couple whilst cooking, as in Keith Floyd's own words 'it would be rude not to'!

So Sunday lunch without the wine was always going to be a challenge. Roast chicken without a good Sauvignon Blanc would have seemed like a travesty whilst I was drinking.  We always eat our 'lunch' around 6pm so at wine o'clock, instead of reaching for a glass, I took the dog for a walk again and took my mind off it by focusing on everything around me and seeing all the things I wouldn't normally notice, like the bluebells flowering in the undergrowth which looked so pretty and the wood pigeons building their nests.

I wondered whether my husband would notice the lack of wine at dinner but he didn't mention it and neither did the children comment on its absence.  I opened a bottle of sparkling water and dare I say it, I enjoyed my dinner without the wine.  I then decided to really go for it and I had a San Migel 0.0 percent beer.  I'm not a big beer drinker but I thought I would give this a go and wow, it's really rather drinkable and as it contains no alcohol whatsoever, I wasn't tempted to have more than one.

So having had a sober free weekend, I felt quite smug as I snuggled into bed with my book.  Then it hit me.  Why does the heroine/hero of most stories have a drink to relax?  As soon as I started to read I was confronted with the image of how the female lead character got home and relaxed with a drink.  I start salivating and feel desperate to join her.  "It will pass" I tell myself, but I struggle, even when I close the book and try to go to sleep.

In the end, I get up and have a glass of water.  It seems to do the trick and I stop salivating.  I have noticed that I do struggle to get to sleep though, unlike when I have wine.  Eventually, I drift off but instead of having a great night's sleep, I wake up twice wanting to go for a wee.  Note to self - try not to drink a huge glass of water at bedtime!  There are some positives though, I did not wake up with a headache this morning - hurrah!

Big hugs,

Sxxxx

Day 3 - Sunday 23rd April 2017

Wedding Season

Well, I achieved a Sober Saturday yesterday and woke up this morning reaching for the Ibuprofen again!  My head was pounding, despite all the water I consumed last night.  I'm beginning to wonder whether my body is craving the sugar it used to get from wine.  Hopefully it will pass soon and I will wake up each day clear headed and ready to go.  I'll keep you posted on that!

Yesterday seemed to mark the start of 'Wedding Season' or so my Facebook feed seemed to suggest.  I was fine yesterday until around 4.30pm when I checked into Facebook and was presented with numerous wedding photos of one of my good friends enjoying a few glasses of Prosecco.  Immediately, I had pangs of wine envy and thoughts of 'maybe I could just have one?'  Of course, my good friend can and often does, only have one.  I had to tell myself that I am not like my friend.  I cannot control my intake.

I made a conscious decision not to look anymore and as it turned 5pm (my usual wine o'clock) I decided to take the dog for a walk instead of reaching for a glass.  It was a beautiful, sunny Spring evening and as I walked down the field I realised how nice it is to be fully in control of your senses - I would usually take the dog after a couple of pre-dinner glasses of wine.  I consciously listened to the birds singing and as I looked up to the sky, I saw a heron pass overhead, looking so calm and serene.  I want to be like that heron.  I want to live my life sober and serene.

Big hugs,

Sxxxx

Day 2 - Saturday 22nd April 2017

Sober Saturday?

One day down and the rest of my life to go!  Instead of waking up clear headed and refreshed I woke up with a rumbling headache.  This isn't how it's supposed to be!!!  Anyway, I will not be put off that easily.  Two Ibuprofen and I am ready to face whatever the day brings.

I managed to get through Friday evening without a drink - hoorah!  Was it difficult?  In all honesty, no it wasn't.  My motivation is high and I didn't even crave a drink - but I know that won't always be the case so I need to focus and not allow the thoughts and feelings of 'missing out' to rear their heads and take over my rational brain.

So, I have decreed it will be a Sober Saturday today.  I  haven't had one of those since last December.  Thankfully my husband does not really drink apart from the occasional beer but he won't be bothered if we don't have any alcohol in the house and yes, that's the key for me.  The cupboards are bare so there is no pang of temptation when I open the fridge or glance over at the wine rack.......

I am in no doubt that 5 o'clock will be the point at which I crave a glass of wine.  I know that I may even have convinced myself by that point that "one glass will be fine, I don't have a problem, I managed to stay sober on a FRIDAY night so hey, I deserve just one glass."

Why did I start my quest for sobriety on a weekend you might ask?  Why not, is the answer.  There is no time like the present and if I can get through the weekend, seeing numerous picture of friends on social media drinking wine and 'having a good time', I can get through the stresses and strains of a normal week without being tempted.

Not much else to say except I will keep repeating my mantra "no more" to myself throughout today.  I will stay strong and it will get easier.

Big hugs,

Sxxxx 

Day 1 - Friday 21st April 2017

This Lady is Going Sober!

Today I woke up after another evening on the vino and decided 'no more'.

I have been reading a number of books on giving up alcohol (in my case wine) for a while now.  In fact last year I had a period of three and a half months off the booze and never felt better.  However, Christmas came along and my fear of 'missing out' on the fun took over and I was lost again to wine after the very first drink.

So having just finished Allen Carr's book 'The Easy Way to Control Alcohol' I feel ready to say 'no' to wine.  I have succeeded in putting on a stone since Christmas, not only due to the wine, but due to the fact that I lose my conscience when I drink, and I no longer care whether what I am eating is healthy and nutritional.  So, not only do I drink, I binge eat as well.  They go hand in hand and the more I drink, the more I lose control of rational thought particularly in relation to eating.

I know from previous experience that this is going to be a difficult journey, but I am a high functioning 47 year old woman, with a good job, lovely home and husband and two lovely teenage children.  Everything in my life is good apart from the fact that I can't control my alcohol intake.  If I don't do it now, I fear I never will and I will face the later years of my life battling health problems. I do not want to be that person.

So today I say 'no' to drinking alcohol.  It does not make me happy.  It makes me feel rough and irritable the next day, it fuels arguments with my husband that I know we wouldn't have had if I hadn't been drinking and it makes me look and feel unhealthy.  There are NO benefits of drinking. 

I know these things of course, but I seem to forget them when the urge for wine takes over.  I'm writing this blog to remind myself  why I am doing this and I hope it helps those of you out there who are in the same position as me and really want to change.  Wish me luck.

I read somewhere the other day that you can't rescue somebody that doesn't want to be saved.  Well I do want to be saved so I am going to do this.  Drinking is not cool.  I choose to be Sober and Serene.......

Wish me luck,

Sxxxx